Postpartum Depression – My Truth
Postpartum Depression – My truth is easy. After giving birth to our first baby, postpartum depression hit me hard. Like really hard. After only a couple of days home from the hospital, I felt like I was walking through jello. I felt guilt. For example, I felt guilty for not giving my dog enough attention. I felt so much anxiety, because my husband was out of town for four weeks (except for weekends), and because my baby was projectile vomiting every time I fed her. I was weeping about everything. And really the worst part was having guilt and anxiety about nothing at all. I didn’t feel like myself at all. My mind was in a cloud. And, again, I was weepy and cried about everything.
Finding Help
I needed help, and I knew it. I was lucky that way. There are many women who don’t realize that, mentally, they may need help. Becoming a mother is one of the biggest life changes that you will Ever make. That alone is so stinking hard. Then you add in hormones and chemicals in your body that are trying to balance out, along with life events still going on all around you.
I admitted to my husband and mother pretty early on that I didn’t feel like myself. I remember asking my mom on the phone, “At what point are baby blues more than that?” That was my first right move: being open about how I was feeling to those close to me. My husband would ask what was wrong over the phone (remember he was out of town), and I would have to tell him that I didn’t really know. I was always honest that I didn’t completely know, and that I didn’t feel like myself.
Two weeks after giving birth, I went to see my OBGYN. This is so important. We talked about how I was feeling and agreed on trying medication. I understand that using medication as a first step is not right for everyone. I personally felt that it was the right step for me.
One more thing that I believe really helped me: getting out of the house and being out in the sun getting some good old Vitamin D. Sunshine and fresh air can help so much! Sit out under the stars and breathe in the clean air. Take time to feel like a human being, like you. It can be hard to remember who you were previous to becoming a mama. It is so important to realize that you are still you. I am am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a dance teacher, and a photographer. I am also still Shaunie. Get out. Do what you love. It will help you mentally immensely and, in return, help your family.
Anxiety that it will happen again?
When I was pregnant with my second baby, I had a lot of anxiety and fear that I would go through another really terrible postpartum. I was open about this too, with those closest to me. It helped to know what was coming and start preparing and self helping beforehand. It helped to be on the same page about postpartum with my OBGYN and my husband.
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